En liten høydesak

[Einar Halvorsen]

A "SR71" Blackbird was crossing the control-zone of London Control. It seems that the controller didn't know the service ceiling of this aircraft (around 30.000 meters (not feet!!)):

 

Pilot: Radar, Good Day, Airforce Blackbird, request FL 600(!)

 

Controller (amused): Sir, if you can reach, you are cleared FL 600

 

Pilot: US Air Force Blackbird, leaving FL 800, decending Level 600...

[Marcus Brandt]

kongebra!

Hvor har du fått dette fra?

[Pål Næss]

kongebra!

Hvor har du fått dette fra?

 

Fra forumet her? Gammel klassiker, det der...

[Einar Halvorsen]

kongebra!

Hvor har du fått dette fra?

 

Fra forumet her? Gammel klassiker, det der...

 

Nope, har et lager jeg tar fra.

[Andreas Ommundsen]

Hehe, sinnsykt bra Tror ikke jeg har hørt den før, men en annen som var noe med groundspeed osv.

[Einar Halvorsen]

Her er en til:

 

The student pilot was too high on his approach so he decided to use a slip to lose some extra altitude. But, being not very experienced, the maneuver lacked somewhat in effectiveness. The instructor, a bit surprised seeing such execution, asked his student, "What was that?!"

 

The student, a bit embarrassed by the tone in the instructor's voice, responded, "Well, it was a slip...."

 

The instructor, unconvinced, responded, "No, that wasn't a slip, it was an intentional loss of control."

[Marius Sparby]

Groundspeed 1742 knots

 

I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt and I were screaming across southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles Center's airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope.

 

I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed. "90 knots," Center replied.

 

Moments later a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots," Center answered.

 

We weren't the only ones proud of our speed that day, as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout." There was a slight pause. "525 knots on the ground, Dusty."

 

Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard the familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison.

 

"Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?" There was a longer-than-normal pause. "Aspen, I show one thousand seven hundred forty-two knots."

 

No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.

[T F]

Min favoritt:

 

A student pilot was to report that his altitude was 4500 feet, but mistakingly reported "Flight level four thousand five hundred".

 

Contoller instantly replied: "Roger, contact Houston Space Center".

 

 

T

[Kenneth G. Sørensen]

Får vel ta med mine favoritter også da:

Control: You're unreadable, say again.

Motor-glider: I've turned off the engine, is that better?

Control: (looong pause)

 

Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.

Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.

Controller: oooohhh! You have traffic!

 

Tower: "...and for your information, you were slightly to the left of the centerline on that approach."

Speedbird: "That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the right"

[Fredrik Helland]

 

Vil høre flere

[Gert Andreas Barring]

Noen fra en gammel post på forumet:

 

There was a young F-15 pilot flying escort for a B-52 one day. The F-15 pilot,

being the young hotshot that he was, challenged the B-52 pilot:

"Anything you can do, I can do better" came the challenge over the R/T.

The B-52 pilot accepted the challenge, but stayed in level flight for 30 seconds. "So?

What did you do?" asked the young F-15 pilot. \\"I just shut down two engines.

Can you do that?\\" came the reply from the cockpit of the BUFF.

 

A student pilot is returning from his first night solo.

He had aced the test and only had to land to pass.

He felt high of himself and switched off his landing lights on approach and said on the radio,

\\'Guess Who.\\' The person in the tower then switched off the runway lights and said, \\'Guess Where!\\'

[David Gabrielsen]

sykt mange morsomme her

 

her er et par andre:

Q. What is the difference between a co-pilot and a duck?

 

A. The duck can fly..

 

A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this one time he was approaching a field during the night time.

Instead of making any offial requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"

The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where!"

[Nikita Litvinenko]

hehe.. en til:

 

- Hello, dette er US Marine heavy lincor, vær så snill og skift din retning til 208-240*.

- Sir, skift din retnig selv! Eller kommer dere til å kræsj!

- Sir, i'm a US Marine Heavy Lincor Captain Tom ... , I ber dere om å skifte retning så snart som mulig!

- Skift retnig selv, det kan vi ikke, gjør det så snart som mulig!

- Dette er US Marines Heavy..

- Dette er en Kanadisk lystårn #"%%#"!!

[T F]

A stressed out military student-pilot was unfortunate enough to squeeze the PTT button all the way in (=transmitted on radio instead of the first step which is intercom) when he commented to his instructor that he was "fu*ked".

 

Tower immediately came on: "Aircraft using obscene language; identify yourself!"

 

His instructor calmly replied: "He said he was fu*ked, not stupid!"...

 

 

A helicpoter pilot squeezed the PTT trigger all the way in while clenching his fist around the cyclic during an abrupt manouver to avoid a birdstrike. At the same time "Jesus Christ..." came out of his mouth. Tower replied "Station calling Jesus Christ; you're on the wrong frequency"...

 

 

T

[Einar Halvorsen]

Airline captain to clearance delivery: "xxx1184 to BOS, and we're a DC9 today."

 

Clearance delivery: "Roger cleared to BOS via ... and we'll change the B737 to a DC9."

 

Unidentified pilot: "Clearance, while you're at it, could you change this PA28 to a Learjet?"

[Michael A B]

A/C: "LHR Ground, Speedbird 123 request taxy."

 

GND: "Speedbird 123, hold position, you'll be following a Virgin with a tight slot."

[Gjest]

Storyn i Marius inlägg kommer från boken "Sled Driver" av Brian Shul. Rekommenderas varmt! Likaså "The Untouchables" av samma författare.

 

Se mer på www.sleddriver.com.

 

Brian Shul var pilot på SR-71 och tillika hobbyfotograf. Kameran blev med på mer än en tur, och resultaten är publicerade i böckerna ovan tillsammans med en massa goda historier

 

Han var också med och fotograferade Blue Angels och Thunderbirds för en säsong var. Det blev till böckerna "Blue Angels: A Portrait of Gold" och "Summer Thunder".

[Sverre Vik]

Vet ikke om denne har vært lagt ut før men jeg legger den i allefall ut nå.

 

 

Judi, a natural blonde, went to a helicopter flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day.

 

As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

 

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

 

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in.

 

 

– I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this.

 

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly.

 

The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

 

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.

 

He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage, but when he asked what had happened, he got the following reply.

 

 

– I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan.

[Einar Halvorsen]

Måtte bare ta med denne:

 

It was a foggy, busy "rush-hour" morning at LaGuardia. A US Air flight was taxiing to the active when they made a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with a United 727.

 

The irate ground controller (a woman) lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming and shouting on the ground control frequency. She ended her tirade with, "You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air?"

 

The humbled crew responded: "Yes Ma'am."

 

The frequency went terribly silent, and no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Finally, after what appeared to be an eternity, an unknown captain from another airline, came up on the frequency.

 

"Wasn't I married to you, once?" he asked.

 

[Petter Aspelund]

Fra TWR: 'Airforce 45, it seems like your engine.... oh... eh, disregard, I see you already have ejected'.

[Reid Ståle Klovning]

Litt lang kanskje, men skal være fra virkeligheten, slutten på historien er jo helt herlig;

 

Pilot came to airport at 9 AM 10 Jul 1982. Line boy reports padlock on his hangar door was so rusted he had to break it off with a 10# ball-peen hammer.

Also had to inflate all 3 tires and scrap pigeon droppings off wind-screen. After several attempts to drain fuel strainers--pilot finally got what looked like fuel out of the wings sumps. Couldn't get the oil dipstick out of the engine but said it was okay last time he looked.

 

Engine started okay -- ran rough for about 1/2 minute. Then died. Then battery would not turn prop. Used battery cart and although starter was smoking real good, it finally started and the prop wash blew the smoke away.

 

Line boy offered to fuel airplane up but pilot said he was late for an appointment at a nearby airport. Said it wasn't far. Taxied about 1/2 way out to active runway and the engine stopped. Pushed it back to the fuel pumps and bought 3 gallons for the left wing tank. Started it again. This time, he was almost out to the runway when it quit again. Put a little rock under nose wheel; hand propped it; and was seen still trying to climb in the airplane as it went across the runway. Finally got in it; blew out the right tire trying to stop before the cement plant.

 

When he taxied back in to have the tire changed, he also had the line boy hit the right wing with 3 gallons of gas. Witness, who saw the take-off, said the aircraft lined up and took off to the north. Takeoff looked fairly normal -- nose came up about 300 ft down the runway. At midfield nose came down. Engine coughed twice -- then cut power and applied the brakes which made both doors fly open and a big fat brown book fell out on the runway and released probably a million little white pages with diagrams on them. Looked like sort of a snow storm.

 

After several real loud runups at the end, he turned her around and took off in the other direction going south into the wind. Only this time he horsed her off at the end and pulled her up real steep like one of them jet fighter planes -- to about 300 ft -- then the engine quit!

 

Did a sort of a slow turn back toward the airport -- kinda like that Art School guy -- and about 30 ft off the McDonald's cafe she started roaring again. He did sort of a high speed pass down the runway; put the flaps down to full and that sucker went up like he was going to do an Immelman!

 

The engine quit again and he turned right and I thought he was coming right through the front window of the F.B.O.; but he pulled her up -- went through the TV antenna and the little rooster with the NSE&W things -- over the building then bounced the main wheels off the roof of 3 different cars in the lot -- a Porsche, a Mercedes and Dr. Brown's new El Dorado.

 

When he bounced off the El Dorado the engine roared to life and he got her flying. Came around toward the runway and set her down -- once on the overrun, once on the runway and once in the grass beside the runway. He taxied into the ramp -- shut her down -- and ordered 3 more gallons of gas. Said it was for safety's sake.

 

Then he asked where the phone booth was as he had to call his student and tell him he was going to be a little bit late.

 

Og denne;

 

NY Ctr: "Federal Express 235, descend, maintain three one zero, expect lower in ten miles."

 

FedEx 235: "Okay, outta three five for three one oh, FedEx two thirty-five."

 

NY Ctr: "Delta fahv twuntee, climb one ninah zeruh, dat'll be finah..."

 

Delta 520: "Uhh... up to one niner zero, Delta five twenty."

 

NY Ctr: "Al-italia wonna sixxa, you slowa to two-a-fifty, please."

 

Alitalia 16: "HEY! You make-a funna Alitalia?!"

 

NY Ctr: "Oh, no! I make-a funna Delta anna FedEx!"

 

 

[Inge Jenstad]

Folkens! Adjektivet sinnssykt (som er en av språkets marer for tiden) staves med dobbell "ss".

[Gjest]

A young guy in an F-16 fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot."

The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.

Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?"

"I just shut down two engines, kid."

 

Jan Roar Rød