Midtsommershumor - diverse

[Karl R Pettersen]

What is the ideal cockpit crew? .......

A pilot and a dog...the pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.

How many pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

How do you know if there is a pilot at your party?

He'll tell you.

What do pilots use for birth control?

Their personality.

What is the difference between a pilot and a jet engine?

A jet engine stops whining soon after landing

One mouse tells her girlfriend she dates a bat...

- What is this "thing" you are dating ?

- It's a bat - It's a mouse with wings !

- But he is so ugly !

- Well, yes. But he is a pilot !

Why does the Pope kiss the ground each time that he lands ?

Did you ever fly with Alitalia ?

What's the purpose of the propeller?

To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!

Apparently the loadmaster on a USAF C-130 was invited to take the engineer's seat for a while. He started jabbering away, not realizing that he was trans-mitting on Uniform instead of over the ICS:

LM: "Hey, this is great! I see why you engineers like this seat so much -- you can see everything from here! This is just like the starship Enterprise! All ahead, Mr. Sulu, warp factor ten!

Followed shortly afterward by:

ATC: "You wanna get back on intercom, Captain Kirk? You're transmitting on my frequency!"

I heard this from my brother, who is a Search and Rescue pilot at Canadian Forces Base Bagotville, Quebec. It's an apocryphal story that allegedly happened late one night during bad weather, as heard over the tower radio:

Helicopter Pilot: "Roger, I'm holding at 3000 over (such-and-such) beacon".

Second voice: "NO! You can't be doing that! _I'm_ holding at 3000 over that beacon!"

(brief pause, then first voice again): "You idiot, you're my co-pilot."

There once was a captain who enjoyed pranks. As the legend goes, one day he found an unmarked white cane in the terminal. Digging through his bag of goodies, he donned a set of extra-thick gag glasses, and fumbled his way across the ramp to his parked aircraft. The passengers watched as he groped his way up the airstairs and into the main entry. "Hi, Marsha," he sang as he felt for the cockpit doorknob. Pausing, he looks back and forth over the heads of the startled passengers. Through the huge lens, his eyes are three times their normal size. "Say, Marsha, are we hauling people or passengers today?" The matronly attendant smiles graciously and replies softly, "umm... passengers, Sir."

Our hero raises his watch to within an inch to his glasses, and announces for all to hear, "Well then, we'd better start getting them aboard! It's nearly time to leave!"

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Ha en fin sommer...