ATC Morro

[Kristian-Mikkelborg]

Her er litt ATC-morro jeg har saksa fra et anna forum..

 

British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.

 

Control Tower replies: 'And where is the world's most experienced airline going today without filing a flight plan?'

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ATC: 'Al Italia 345 continue taxi to 26L South via Tango - check for workers along taxiway.'

 

Al Italia 345: 'Roger, Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are working'

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Nova 851: 'Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15.'

 

Halifax Terminal (female): 'Nova 851, Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06.'

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Lost student pilot: 'Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, please identify yourself.'

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Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?

Pilot: Yes.

Tower: Yes what?

Pilot: Yes, SIR!

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Frankfurt Contol: 'AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots.'

 

Pilot: 'Rogo', Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya.'

 

Control: (a few moments later): 'AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now 11/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots.'

 

Pilot: 'AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots'

 

Control: 'AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now

1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots'

 

Pilot (a little miffed): 'Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?'

 

Control: 'No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you.'

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ATC: 'Cessna 123, What are your intentions? '

 

Cessna: 'To get my Commercial Pilots License and Instrument Rating.'

 

ATC: 'I meant in the next five minutes not years.'

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Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.

 

Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.

 

Controller: Oh, Oh, Shit! You have traffic!

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O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain 250 knots.

 

USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain that speed?

 

O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.

 

USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.

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Pilot: 'Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000' and 40 DME.'

 

Approach: 'Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'.'

 

Pilot: 'Approach, 202's unable that descent rate.'

 

Approach: 'What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?'

 

Pilot: 'Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours.'

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Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60. (pause)

 

Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!' (pause)

 

Controller: 'USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!'

 

Pilot: 'Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!'

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Tower: 'Cessna 123, turn right now and report your heading.'

 

Pilot: 'Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345...'

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Pilot: 'Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please.'

 

Tower: 'KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.'

 

Pilot: 'Please confirm: two hours delay?'

 

Tower: 'Affirmative.'

 

Pilot: 'In that case, cancel the good morning!'

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Hoho, fikk meg en sinnsykt god latter, her jeg sitter i klassrommet. :grin:

[Tommy Bernes]

Takker! Hjelper på når amn har 2 fritimer! :grin: Msnge gullkorn der ja! :grin:

[Tom Knudsen]

Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60. (pause)

 

Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!' (pause)

 

Controller: 'USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!'

 

Pilot: 'Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!'

 

Denne var best synes jeg...

[Kristian-Mikkelborg]

British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.

 

Control Tower replies: 'And where is the world's most experienced airline going today without filing a flight plan?'

 

Den likte jeg veldig godt.. :grin:

[Petter Tandberg]

Haha! Digga den siste der :grin:

[Kim Ruben Fjeldstad]

Den siste synes jeg var kul...

 

Sitter å humrer ennda..

[Kenneth Rønning]

haha lol

[Marius Helstad]

Digg :grin:

[Otto Gebhardt]

Litt fin den her også.

 

SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul reported one exchange. His SR-71 was screaming across Southern California, 13 miles high and its crew were monitoring cockpit chatter as they entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control the SR-71, LA monitored its movement across their scope. The SR-71 crew heard a Cessna ask for a readout of groundspeed.

"90 knots" Center replied.

Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same.

"120 knots," Center answered.

An F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout."

Center (after a slight pause): "525 knots on the ground, Dusty".

The SR-71 realised how ripe a situation this was for one-upmanship: "Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?"

Center (after a longer than normal pause): "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"

No further groundspeed inquiries were heard on that frequency.

 

In similar vein (airport not stated), an SR-71 crew were listening in on a similar "match this" contest. A Cessna asked to clear to 4000 ft, a corporate jet requested clearance to 12,000, an airliner to 18,000, etc. Finally the SR-71 called ATC.

SR-71: "Request clearance to 80,000 ft"

Tower: "Just how in hell do you plan to get up there?"

SR-71: "Uh Tower, I'm descending to 80,000".

[Joakim Hagen]

ATC: 'Al Italia 345 continue taxi to 26L South via Tango - check for workers along taxiway.'

 

Al Italia 345: 'Roger, Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are working'{\\

Den fikk meg til å flire extra!

[Per-kristian Jensen]

Mye bra her men jeg tror faktisk denne slår det meste:

 

 

 

 

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