Noen har sikkert sett disse før, men jeg tar dem igjen.

God Weekend.

 

On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the

pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and

will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to

enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

 

_____

Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish

to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you

can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

 

_____

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your

belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's

something we'd like to have."

 

_____

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out

of this airplane"

 

_____

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving

us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

 

_____

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone

voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

 

_____

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a

flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when

opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,

sure as hell everything has shifted."

 

_____

From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245

to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the

buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and,

if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in

public unsupervised."

 

_____

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend

from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your

face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask

before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one

small child, pick your favorite."

 

_____

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but

we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,

nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

 

_____

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an

emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our

compliments."

 

_____

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.

Anything left behind will be distr ibuted evenly among the flight

attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

 

_____

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is

pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.

Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

 

_____

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake

City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was

quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you

it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't

the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

 

_____

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a

particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain

was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the

Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.

Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the

Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

 

_____

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We

ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the

terminal."

 

_____

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered

his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which

required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers

exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said

that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the

passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.

Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking

with a cane.

 

She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am,"

said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or

were we shot down?"

 

_____

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on the

horn, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.

Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt

against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning

bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way

through the wreckage to the terminal"

 

______

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank

you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the

insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal

tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

 

______

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a

comfortable cruising altitude the Captain made an announcement over the

intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome

to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather

ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful

flight. Now sit back and relax.. OH, MY GOD!"

 

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the

intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you

earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally

spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my

pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the

back of mine!"

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DETTE ER NOE AV D SYKESTE JEG NOEN GANG HAR LEST!!!!!!!!

 

She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am,"

said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or

were we shot down?"

 

Vært med på neo lignende... men det var bare på rullebanen